


Here, There

by inabsurd



Series: natsu-gem [4]
Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crystal Gems (Steven Universe), Body Dysphoria, Gen, Identity Issues, Recovered Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-01
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-16 07:26:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29078577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/inabsurd/pseuds/inabsurd
Summary: “Because Reiko-san is upset about it!”There is a long, drawn-out silence. “Jade,” Topaz says slowly, teeth gritted as though what she is saying is physically painful, “Is gone. You know that.”Takashi holds out his open palm to reveal his and his mother’s shared gemstone. “I see her memories," he says by way of an answer.
Relationships: Implied Past Hinoe/Natsume Reiko, Madara "Nyanko-sensei" & Natsume Takashi, Natsume Takashi & Tanuma Kaname
Series: natsu-gem [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2117745
Kudos: 2





	Here, There

**Author's Note:**

> back again and I'm not even a little sorry

_Go to Earth. We’ll like it there._

Takashi's eyes open as the phrase echoes through his mind like a bell rung in a cavern. That was—wasn’t—

He sighs, rubbing a hand tiredly against his face. The hard edges on his gemstone catch awkwardly on his skin and he finds himself staring at it for a long time afterwards. Long enough that it looks unreal in the dim moon-lighting like it’s not something that is a part of him but rather something he is cradling gently in his palm.

It’s five in the morning and much too early to be wandering around the house. It’s a school day, at least, so Takashi had to be up anyway, but he can’t alarm the Fujiwaras by getting up so early when he typically sleeps for another hour or so.

He used to sleep in more, but Touko-san makes breakfast for them to eat together and he would sooner fight another corrupted gem than ignore her hard work.

_We’ll like it there._

He shudders. The dreams come more frequently now that he knows his heritage; as if he's unlocked something hidden deep without meaning to. He’s seen his mother's memories ever since he was a child—whether asleep or awake—and gained something of a reputation for it before he learned to hide his reactions. They’ve gotten easier to manage over time and he hardly sees them in his waking hours anymore, but the fact that he has had this same dream every night since is starting to take a toll on him.

It’s not his mother speaking in the dream and he’s not sure who it is. The voice sounds vaguely familiar, like something he heard once in passing.

Takashi groans, rolling over in his futon futility.

He comes face-to-face with Topaz in her regular form, mouth gaping wide and drool trailing down her chin.

_Maybe she’ll know?_

Topaz’s eye peeks open, “You’re thinking too hard,” she grumbles.

He jumps. “Were—were you _pretending to sleep?”_

“Hardly,” Topaz yawns. “You just woke me up with all your gross _human feelings.”_

Takashi stares. “I...didn’t know that was a thing that could happen,” he finally settles on.

Topaz rolls her eyes, pulling herself up into a seated position with a resigned sigh. “What’s your problem, then? I can’t sleep like this.”

“Reiko-san—”

Topaz interrupts with a tired snicker. “Isn’t it always?”

Well, she’s right. Takashi glares anyway. “Reiko-san’s memories are coming to me in my dreams. It’s the same one.”

The gem shrugs. “Makes sense. Her residual memories are probably seeping into you through your gem. Not much we can do about that. Unless you want to yank it out still?”

He tries to ignore the implications of his mother's memories remaining in their shared gem. He tries to ignore the hardness, the _accusation,_ that laced in Topaz's voice, too. “Why am I seeing them _now?”_ he presses instead. “Her memories haven’t bothered me like this in a long time.”

“Maybe something set them off,” Topaz halfheartedly suggests. She gazes at Takashi for a long, hard moment before pulling herself to her feet. “I’m heading out. Won’t be getting any more rest here anyway.” The gem is out the window a moment later, surprisingly stealthy for someone her size.

Takashi sighs in defeat. "I may as well get dressed for the day."

* * *

It's a trying day at school. He hasn't slept and his mind won't stop wandering off on him. Chalk is thrown at him two times before his teacher simply gives up and assigns him classroom cleanup after school instead.

He can't stop hearing it.

* * *

_There is a gem in front of him with deep blue hair that trails like a galaxy given substance down her back. Her ballgown touches the floor, and her hair catches awkwardly on the puffy sleeves._

_She turns to her, and she can feel the other's gaze on hers despite the bangs that hang in the way._

_"Go to Earth. We'll like it there."_

_It's brighter now. She has never seen a blue sky before, or these tall, rough structures that pull themselves from the dirt and reach high above; as though they too are craning to see that magnificent blue._

_She does like it. The other gem was right, although, she shouldn't have expected anything less from a—_

* * *

"A Sapphire," he says into the darkness of his room.

These memories, the thing that triggered them was meeting that gem.

Topaz snores on, unbothered. 

* * *

The forest is empty that evening. He can’t find Sapphire anywhere.

“Why would you even want to find her?” Topaz grumbles, licking her hands the same way she does when in her cat form.

“Because,” Takashi explains, “Maybe if I talk to her, I can resolve this,” he gestures towards his gem. Something set this off. There is a _reason_ he’s seeing Reiko's memories of Sapphire now—and he won’t be able to rest until he fixes this.

If Sapphire was right, if Reiko really is still inside the gem in his palm, she must be upset that Takashi has hurt her friend like this.

* * *

That night, after many sunset hours spent in the woods, Takashi falls into his futon. Sapphire’s voice comes to him again:

_“Where have you been?”_

_“Why do you waste your time with them?”_

_“Don’t you have better things to do than entertain a human man?”_

_“...How long will you be gone this time?”_

_“Are you coming back at all, Jade?”_

When he wakes, he thinks that maybe Reiko isn’t upset at him at all; maybe she simply recognizes a pattern when she sees one.

* * *

Takashi is assigned cleaning duty more often than not thanks to the dark cloud of exhaustion that follows him from place to place. He can hardly stay awake during class and, even though Nishimura and Kitamoto both do their best to wake him when the teacher looks his way, they cannot be held responsible for Takashi’s own failings.

“Are you Natsume Takashi?”

He startles, dropping the broom. The hallway was empty a moment ago, but he must have missed the other student in his haze. The other boy is tall, broad, and has dark hair and eyes. There’s something of a knowing twist to his smile that puts Takashi on edge.

“Yes,” he answers, “Have we met?”

The other boy shakes his head. “No, sorry,” he rubs the back of his neck awkwardly, “I’m Tanuma Kaname from class two.”

Takashi nods, “Did you need something?”

Perhaps he has been a little blunt, but Tanuma doesn’t seem to mind. “I just...wanted to know if you were okay, I guess. You’ve been here a lot these past few days, haven’t you?”

He blinks. He wasn’t aware his new habits were something the other classes were aware of. Touko has noticed too, now that he thinks about it. Takashi is starting to worry people; he really needs to wrap this up fast.

Tanuma stares at him and, belatedly, Takashi realizes the other is expecting a response. Blinking, he tries to recall what exactly had been said to him.

“Um, sorry,” he says sheepishly, “What did you say?”

Tanuma laughs, “You must be pretty out of it. Can’t sleep, huh?”

Takashi shakes his head and immediately winces for it. Hadn’t he just been thinking that he needs to worry people less? “It’s not so bad.”

That knowing grin appears again, along with a shy crinkle to the eyes. “This...might sound a little strange,” Tanuma begins nervously, “But I’ve seen you around Yatsuhara a lot recently—I live out there, in the temple—so…” he pauses, taking a breath, “Is there something I can do to help?”

He hadn’t known he’d had the energy left to feel panicked, but the emotion comes over him so quickly that Takashi can feel his face pale.

Tanuma must think he’s strange.

“I’m sorry,” Takashi says earnestly, “I hope I haven’t disturbed you.”

“No, no, nothing like that. I just thought you might need a hand? My dad and I have lived there for a few years now, so if you’ve lost something, maybe I could help you look?”

“I—” his breath hitches as the Jade gemstone buzzes against his skin. His gaze flickers down, but he can’t see the stone with his sleeved dangling past his fingers. Impulsively, he says, “I’m looking for someone. Her name is Sapphire, she lives somewhere in Yatsuhara. Have you seen her?”

Tanuma pauses thoughtfully. “What does she look like? There are a few women that live in the older temples around there. Drifters, we think. I’m afraid they don’t talk much.”

_There are a few women._ They must be other gems, but he’s only ever seen Topaz and Sapphire, himself. Are they hiding from him? Do they even know about him? Do they know about his mother?

Takashi does his best to push the thought away for the moment. “She’s short, sort of...blue? She wears a kimono and keeps her hair pinned up.”

“Sorry, no,” Tanuma shakes his head. “I could show you where I usually see people, though, if that helps? Maybe they know the woman you’re looking for.”

* * *

It’s strange to walk through the woods with anyone other than Topaz. The gem is bold, abrasive, and more than a little obnoxious, but she is company that Takashi is used to having. Walking through Yatsuhara with Tanuma is...odd.

“So, is, uh, Sapphire a friend of yours?”

Not odd because of Tanuma, of course, but Takashi is unsure how to answer questions like this. He hesitates too long, picks his words too carefully, and they fall on dead air. Still, Takashi has endured worse silences, so he tries to let himself relax as best he can.

“She knew my mother. I’ve only met her twice, though.” Takashi laughs, “I didn’t make the best impression, truth be told.”

His companion nods. “I hope it goes better for you today, then.”

Tanuma leads him deeper into the forest where the area is thick with trees and bushes. Despite how far in they must have gone, though, the area is full of hard-packed footpaths that aren’t nearly as common closer to the town.

Feeling bold, Takashi cries out, “Sapphire! Are you in here?”

“Sapphire!” Tanuma joins in.

Takashi shoots him a grateful smile and they continue on.

From a forked path, Takashi hears loud, heavy footsteps, and pales. The steps are far too heavy to belong to Sapphire, but they are certainly loud enough to be those of a corrupted gem. Takashi takes an instinctive step forward, blocking Tanuma from view.

“What are you—”

“Hey, Natsume, what are you doing here?” Topaz glares as she rounds the corner.

“Sensei?”

She shakes her head, eyeing Tanuma behind him with a judgemental curiosity. “Sticking your nose into trouble again, huh?”

“Actually, we were looking for Sapphire. Have you seen her?”

Topaz huffs, pinching the bridge of her nose between her massive fingers. “Idiot. She’s _gone._ If she was out here, I would have told you myself because I know you’re too stubborn to give this up.”

Takashi glares, “How was I supposed to know you were out here?”

The gem closes the distance in two steps and smacks him upside the head in one fluid motion. “Idiot,” she says again. “Why do you have to make this your business?”

_“Because Reiko-san is upset about it!”_

There is a long, drawn-out silence.

“I, um, I’ll just wait back here,” he hears Tanuma say from behind him. There is the soft crunch of dirt underfoot before the sound fades entirely.

“Jade,” Topaz says slowly, teeth gritted as though what she is saying is physically painful, “Is gone. You know that.”

Takashi holds out his open palm to reveal his and his mother’s shared gemstone. “I see her memories,” he says. Topaz knows this, but Takashi gets the feeling that she doesn’t really understand. “I have since I was very young, and now I’m seeing them again. They’re all of _Sapphire._ I’ve never seen any of these memories until I met her, so what I did must have caused it. I need to fix it.”

The gem scoffs. “Natsume, what happened between Jade and Sapphire is nobody’s problem now but Sapphire's.”

“But—”

“You’re not Jade,” Topaz says seriously.

Takashi stays silent, unsure what to say. Maybe Topaz just doesn’t understand how memories work? Maybe she doesn’t understand what those memories existing in Takashi with his mother’s body mean, but he...well, what else could it mean?

_Sapphire was right, wasn’t she?_

The gem huffs and between one moment and the next, there is a warhammer gripped tightly between her hands. Takashi has never seen Topaz’s weapon himself, but the meaning behind its presence doesn’t escape him. She charges, hammer held high over her head to bring down on him.

He slams his hands together just as he did the first time he summoned his gauntlets for Topaz, and there they are; white and amber and strong enough to protect him.

Wincing, Takashi brings his arms up, crossing the gauntlets at the wrist where the hammer slams into him a moment later. Topaz is strong, and the blow travels in vibrations throughout his entire body.

Takashi looks up, desperately watching for his sensei’s follow-up attack.

It doesn’t come. The warhammer dissipates in a barely-there shimmer of light and Topaz very slowly wraps her hands around his own, his gauntlets still in place between them.

“What are you—”

“You are not Jade,” she says once more. “I know because you are _different._ Jade was a selfish jerk. We followed her when she fled Homeworld because we felt there was nothing else to be done, not because she was a great leader or a freedom fighter. She didn’t care that we followed, she just let us do it.” Topaz smiles then, something wistful and bitter in equal measure. “Jade wouldn’t go after Sapphire like you are; Jade spent most of her time on Earth _avoiding her._ Avoiding all of us, really. If you need a physical reminder, though, that you’re different from her,” Topaz’s fingers flex around Takashi’s gauntlets, _“These_ are _yours._ Her weapon was a _club;_ something she could use to ruthlessly beat down her opponents and keep them at arm's length all at once. You let enemies get close, you fight when you need to, but your weapon can just as easily be used to offer a helping hand.”

Topaz flicks his forehead, “Got it yet?” she demands.

“Yeah. I understand, Sensei,” his voice is thick as he lets his gauntlets fade away.

Topaz’s hands dwarf his own, but she holds his anyway.

“Good,” the gem turns away, back towards the direction she came from. “If I see Sapphire, I’ll drag her back to you myself. Now get going, that other human is still waiting for you.

_That other human…?_ Realization strikes him almost immediately. “Tanuma!”

His classmate is just down the path, probably close enough to have still heard everything.

Takashi isn’t quite sure how to address the situation. He settles on, “I’m sorry,” and hopes Tanuma won’t ask him to elaborate on what he’s sorry _for;_ there would be too much to explain.

“It’s fine,” Tanuma doesn’t look distressed at least. His eyes are wide, but Takashi thinks it must be in curiosity as opposed to the usual expressions he sees on people's faces when they find out something weird about him. “Did you get everything sorted out?”

“No,” Takashi says honestly, “But I feel better about it anyway.”

They walk back towards town, shoulder-to-shoulder on the gem footpaths.

He’s not sure if Topaz is right about the kind of person his mother was. He's not sure if Sapphire was right about Reiko and him. He’s not even sure if Sapphire was right about the gem refugees liking Earth, but Takashi has met very kind and indulgent people in this town and he knows that, at the very least, he likes it here.

**Author's Note:**

> if you got to the end of this I am both amazed and grateful. comments and kudos are especially appreciated
> 
> you can find me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/inabsurd) or [Tumblr](https://inabsurd.tumblr.com/)


End file.
